Well Oiled And Delirious
by Rai-Child
Summary: See, Roxy, there comes a time in every guy’s life when he must make the transition… Zemyx, AkuRoku. Oneshot.


Well Oiled And Delirious

Oneshot

By: Rai-Child

Fandom: Kingdom Hearts 

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or any of the characters.

Summary: See, Roxy, there comes a time in every guy's life when he must make the transition… Zemyx, AkuRoku. Oneshot.

Author's Note: _Came very, very close to losing this. Thankfully, I had another copy! Always keep a backup, folks. I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown- this took me ages… Written for Metal Chocobo, for telling me not to give up… X3_

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_What happened... What have I done to deserve this?_

_Zexy... Where are you in my time of need? Zexxxxioooonn..._

_I'm sorry I bugged you. I really am. I just... Urgh..._

_What the hell..._

_What the hell are..._

"What the hell are you doing? Axel? Hey, I'm talking to you!"

"Shhh... Almost there." The hand on his shoulder spun him sharply to the left, slim fingers digging in just a fraction more to get him to stop. Roxas frowned, wishing he hadn't agreed to such madness... It was like being stuck in some sort of unreal dreamworld, with that stupid blindfold covering his eyes. The idea passed him, mere moments before he smashed into something very much solid, doing little to help the beginnings of a migraine that had already implanted itself in his skull.

"Right- that's _enou-"_ He stopped short, eyes widening as he ripped off the blindfold and looked at the mess of a building before him. He turned on his heel to stare right into Axel's smirking face... "'_The Watering Hole?'"_

Indeed it was, faded lettering barely visible on the haphazard sign above the doorway, windows clouded by the frost... Roxas noted the absence of a license. His eyes narrowed in a way that clearly read; 'I love you, but if you don't explain to a satisfactory standard, (_my _standards, mind, not yours), then I may be forced to castrate you here and now'. Axel had seen that look before. He knew it all too well.

"You remember what I was telling you earlier?"

"...Hmmm."

"About becoming a man and stuff?"

"...Yeah." Roxas looked distant for a moment, recalling his boyfriend's not-so-subtle words that morning in Agrabah...

_See, Roxy, there comes a time in every guy's life when he must..._

_Make the transition..._

_From... From boy to man..._

_Step one... Well, I'll show you if you like... _Roxas' eyes snapped open, regarding Axel with a look of sheer horror.

"Alcohol?" He spluttered, "Step one is _alcohol?"_

"Precisely!" Axel grinned even wider, if it was humanly possible. He nudged the smaller figure. "Well, beer to be exact. What's manlier than beer? Great, eh?" Roxas' eyes had glazed over about three seconds ago, as if the idea of giving _Axel _of all people what was, in effect, a drug... It didn't bear thinking about. What if he went mad and set something alight? The chakram-wielding pyromaniac did that enough already, and that was _without _other influences... He put across his point quickly, earning himself yet another 'up-to-no-good' expression from the redhead...

"Which is exactly why I brought our very own personal fire-extinguisher! See, I _can _be responsible..." Only now did Roxas notice the large, rather suspicious-looking mess of black cloth that Axel had slung over his shoulder, using his free hand to support it's weight...

A suspicious-looking mess of black cloth that had _feet..._

The unlucky victim had long since stopped struggling as Axel hauled them through the maze of backstreets that made up the city of the World That Never Was, now reduced to pitiful whining and various pleas for freedom.

"Kidnapping Demyx does _not _count as being responsible." Roxas told him rather flatly, "You'd better put him down, the blood will all go to his head if you're not careful." Axel rolled his eyes and shrugged the limp figure off his shoulder, setting him on rather shaky legs, still tied together at the ankles by rope. Demyx had gone rather red in the face, a rather unpleasant cocktail of embarrassment and sudden asphyxiation as he was lowered to the floor leaving his complexion rapidly darkening...

"Oh _jeez_..." The knots were untied and the rope that had, for a few moments, been dangerously tight around his neck removed, giving him enough room to cough and splutter, narrowed blue-green eyes staring questioningly at Axel... Said redhead held up his hands in defence.

"Since you two are mere minors, I thought it would be a good opportunity to give you your initiation!"

"O-oi, don't drag _me_ into this!" Where was Zexy when he needed him?

_Off doing important stuff like... Like studying and... And wanting to be left alone, and..._

Axel pushed opened the door to the tavern, ushering the pair inside. Roxas still looked decidedly unimpressed. Demyx's jaw dropped open as he noticed a certain figure sitting at the bar, book in hand...

_Wait- _drinking?

"Zexy!" Demyx scurried over, somehow managing to look like a thoroughly kicked puppy despite his initial surprise. "I... I thought you said you were busy!"

"I am." Zexion did not tear his gaze away from the book in his lap.

"You're _drinking!"_

"I'm not. It is Vexen's 'birthday', so to speak. You were uninformed?" Demyx turned to the Nobody in question, who flushed guiltily and stared down into his pint. "Hmmm. I'm just here for 'moral support'. I have to look up-"

"But Zexy, you're _drinking!" _The Sitarist didn't seem to understand, by this point horribly confused. Axel 'saved' him, taking him by the wrist and dragging him off to a small table in the corner where Roxas had already been sat, woodenly staring at nothing in particular. His world had suddenly been transformed into one that consisted mainly of second-hand cigarette smoke and sloshed people. It was pretty dark in that tiny bar, but pleasantly warm compared to the cold world outside.

Roxas hated the winter weather.

A glass was set down in front of him, blue eyes peering upwards through his blonde spikes at his boyfriend, who promptly pushed Demyx into a seat and sat down himself.

"Aw, don't look at me like that, Rox... I told you- step one! Remember?"

"Is this even legal? I'm sixteen... What are the laws here?"

"There ain't any." Axel leaned back in his seat, looking thoroughly relaxed. "You're a Nobody, remember? You can do whatever the hell you want." Absolutely no tact whatsoever. Roxas huffed, before taking a tiny sip, the bitter taste sliding over his tongue... He frowned at Axel, sceptical.

"And doing this makes me a man?"

"Of course it does." Demyx promptly choked on nothing in particular, bent double in his seat, gasping for air. "However, it seems _someone _here might not be quite ready for it, eh Dem?" Axel nudged him, a sly smirk on his face. Demyx looked at him incredulously.

"This... This is..." He gasped, leaning over and grabbing the glass Roxas had barely touched, downing some hastily...

-----

"But Zexy-"

"No, I told you before- and by that I mean five minutes ago. I'd rather keep my common sense, thank you very much."

"Awww... You're no fun."

"I fail to see why that is a bad thing right now... Someone has to make sure you don't fall asleep in the middle of the road."

"But we're not even outside yet!"

"That is unfortunate. You really should be getting back." Zexion really wasn't interested in the slightest, frowning as Demyx promptly seated himself in the older man's lap, practically _purring _into his ear... Zexion planted both hands firmly on his shoulders, holding him at arms length... "How much have you _had?"_

"Not much." Zexion was unconvinced. Over at the other end of the bar, Xaldin and _Lexaeus _of all people were singing a very loud, very slurred rendition of 'Happy Birthday' to Vexen, and Axel had somehow managed to put a dart in the wall, right through Roxas' hair. It was inches from his face. Both had dissolved into a fit of laughter.

"Hmmm, seems you're not the only one."

"Aww, Zex, you're so... Boring sometimes..."

"Thank you."

"No, I mean it! Not that it's your fault or anyfin', look..." Demyx plucked the book from his fingers, frowning down at the scrawl inside, unaware that he was holding it the wrong way around. "Just... Just look at it. What the hell is _that_ meant to be?"

"It is the chemical equation for-"

"Yeah, that's great and all, but why don't you just loosen up for a bit, eh?" Demyx murmured into his ear, trying his very best to be utterly convincing despite the alcohol-induced haze that had descended over him a while back. "We can play darts or somethin'... It'll be fun..." Zexion seemed to think about it for a moment, giving it some proper consideration...

"I'd rather not." He concluded, albeit rather stiffly. Demyx frowned as he got to his feet, swaying slightly on the spot.

"Guess I'll jus' hafta go and ask Roxas then..." He said over his shoulder, hoping Zexion didn't see him stumble. Zexion looked back to his book.

"I'm not _boring..." _He muttered, more to himself than to anyone else.

-----

Vexen himself had passed out about an hour ago, now sleeping peacefully on the hard floor. Demyx had made it past the 'slightly lubricated' mark to the 'utterly delirious' one somewhere along the line, Roxas and Axel disappeared not too long ago and Zexion had embarked on his eternal quest to prove himself decidedly _not boring _to the love of his life...

Who would have thought the Schemer would have such a low threshold when it came to the good stuff?

Not that his efforts would be remembered- his Nocturne wouldn't be able to remember anything in the morning.

"I think you've had enough..."

"Nooo... Zexy, don't. Yer've been such a good boy..." Demyx patted him on the head, suddenly unable to stand, "Y'know, we shud really do th's more often. Cuz it's good for you, cuz you get to put your stupid book down an' stuff..." Zexion frowned, feeling a headache coming on.

"Whose idea was this anyway?"

"Who-what now?"

"Whose idea was it? Bringing you here?" Demyx laughed.

"Axel's." He grinned happily, still sitting sideways in Zexion's lap. He leaned against the other's shoulder, not caring that it hurt his neck. Zexion was still a little shorter than he was, so it made the manoeuvre difficult... "See, he said we had'ta become men an' stuff, so he brought us here for step one and what-not."

"Right. And where is he now?"

"He's making out wiv Roxas in the girls' toilets." Zexion raised an eyebrow, prompting Demyx to nod enthusiastically. "Yeah, see, I fink it's a bad fing. Boys shudn't be in there, y'know? Cuz the girls dun like it. If Nami or Larx woz 'ere, they'd be cross. Girls are funny- they'll only pee in front of other girls. Weird. I dun know diddly-squat about _why, _but, if it's their choice, then tha's fine. We shud respect that an'... Yeah. Boys dun fink of stuff like tha' cuz it's not important. We should go in and tell 'em to hop it-" Demyx chirped, sliding to the floor. Zexion lurched forwards in a moment of panicked abandon, grabbing him by his hood and jerking him backwards...

"No!"

"No?"

"Demyx, you said they were... Doing... Private stuff..."

"Makin' out?"

"Yes. _That." _Zexion had gone rather pink, despite himself.

"Well, I assum'd they'd be doin' tha cuz Axel said it was step two. He said I shud ask you 'bowt it, but you were too busy yellin' about your not-boring-ness an' the like..."

"Well, would _you_ like to be interrupted while doing... Step two..."

"I fort they might want some company." Zexion turned and quickly downed the contents of his glass.

-----

Zexion was a man of mystery.

_I'm sorry I bugged you. I really am._

It wasn't that Demyx was annoying. He was just... Persistent. Very persistent.

_"Please, Zexy?"_

_"No."_

_"Pleeeeease?" Zexion huffed, looking up from the scroll he was studying. Demyx whined. "Just a look? I've seen it before, so what's the problem now-"_

_"If you've seen it before, then _why _do you feel the need to bug me about it now?"_

_"It won't hurt... Just a peek... And I can't remember what it's like! Is it the same as your other eye?" Ah yes, Zexion's right eye. The same right eye that was covered up by his hair._

_"What do you think Demyx?"_

_"...I think you're hiding something." He shuffled over to him, putting his arms around his shoulders from behind and kissing the nape of his neck. He paused. "...Is it even there at all?"_

_"Yes. I think I would notice if it was missing."_

_"Well, what's wrong with letting me see it? Is it a mutant eye?"_

_"Demyx-"_

_"Does it shoot laser beams?"_

_"I really don't think-"_

_"Can it see through walls and stuff?"_

_"Demyx!" Demyx looked up, watching as Zexion twisted in his seat, swatting him away. "Please, I'm busy right now. You've seen it before- so leave the matter alone." Demyx left the matter alone, albeit grudgingly... He hadn't known 'busy' would involve everyone getting drunk off their faces and ending up pretty much inanimate._

It had been a matter of dignity. Now, it seemed that everything had gone out of that metaphorical window.

It was late. The snow had stopped a while ago, but the ground was still coated in a pristine layer of white, contrasting oddly with the dark sky. Zexion's face was turned upwards, eyes closed. Demyx was silent.

They were both sat under an overhang, perched on an upturned crate. The city wasn't the safest place to be at night, but it didn't seem to matter. The older Nobody had fell victim to sleep a while ago; leaving the Sitarist to stare at the single trail of footprints that led off towards the castle. Axel and Roxas had taken the same route- the redhead giving the practically inert form of his lover a piggyback home. Demyx sighed.

He looked sideways at the Schemer, a silly grin cracking on his face... He laughed under his breath.

"Le's see you tell me 'no' now..." He snuggled up closer to him, grinning as Zexion unconsciously tightened his grip. Perhaps it had become some sort of possessive reflex. Zexion was never known to share.

Demyx reached up with a careful hand, brushing his cheek gently first. Zexion had been correct, he _had _seen his right eye, but it had probably been in some sort of situation where people don't tend to think about that sort of detail. Demyx was simple when it came to that sort of thing- Zexion's hand slipped lower and everything else switched off immediately.

Zexion muttered something incoherent, but still did not wake. Demyx moved to brush that lock of hair out of the way, pushing him up slightly to see...

A closed eyelid.

"Not so clev'r... Eh Demy?" Zexion opened his _left _eye and smirked.

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X3 Ack. Plotbunnies. 0.o; Made no attempt to rein them in, except to at least try and keep everyone in character… Yarh.

_Ally_


End file.
